A give away!

Hi guys, @ssfashionworld is having great giveaway on her blog ! http://ss-fashion-ss.blogspot.com/2011/08/giveaway.html

Amazing creations, lovely thoughts and prettier pictures. Follow on Twitter, Facebook and even on here.
http://ss-fashion-ss.blogspot.com/2011/08/giveaway.html
http://www.facebook.com/#!/talk2thetreesart
http://twitter.com/#!/ssfashionworld

Count on me like 1,2,3

 Can I count on you like 4,3,2? Bruno Mars, you depress me. I don't know why but I feel like I don't have what you have and I kind of want it. What I do know is I can count on me like 1,2,3  because like they say, your worst enemy is yourself and you keep friends close but enemies even closer. I don't have too much to write other than I woke up at about 2 p.m today after going to sleep at midnight. So I do believe I was sleepy. Well, me and my liquor store blues are going to sleep cause I have even more cleaning to do tomorrow because I missed a day of cleaning.

four days later...

   I feel better today, I've slept a collective 48 hours and was sick the last four days. I think I had a infection of some sort, but some orange juice, water and sleep helped. I haven't been mad once these last four days which is a miracle cause I defiantly had things to be mad at but I know if those things happen then God wants them to happen. I just really don't want to move to Louisiana. I think where I live is bad now because I can't do anything fun without getting looked down upon because I need a parent where you can go to have fun but in Louisiana there is absolutely nothing to do. The money would help my family, but I don't want to leave my friends again, this happens every time I make friends. Anyway I hope everything works out for the best but I have to clean because I'm apparently the only living being in my house who can clean, so until later.

It's over.... Thank you God!

    My visiting family left early, and I mean early, this morning. I was up at five in the morning after waking from a some what crappy sleep at ten in the p.m. I was so not a happy camper driving down to the airport. Traffic sucks, people are stupid and add those two factors together you understand why I hate driving. But my family is gone and I no longer have to worry/ deal with them so I may now sleep for how ever long I want and use my bathroom whenever I want. Which in itself that last fact has me bouncing off the walls. I know this was short but I have nothing to say for the last two days that pissed me off because I'm so happy about my family being gone that this whole hell week kinda seems a lot better. I know that it sucked but I'm looking forward and while I'm watching I'm Leroy and Stitch I have to say I think they got ohana wrong, because sometimes family is the worst thing for you...Take my week for example, they cause nothing but added stress and hate, but I still love me some Lilo and Stitch. I wish I could move to Hawaii and have nothing but water surrounding me. Oh well maybe soon I can visit Hawaii, until next year diary :) which in less then two hours! Hope next year is better for everyone!

With a desperate need and no way to fill it

      First off I really want to take a shower. Second my nightmare with Jack Black will have to be clean out of my brain with Clorox and a very hard scrubbing. Let me begin with my nightmare since it started first in my day of unimaginable events.

      I have my very own, very nice apartment heaven space. With a hot tub in the bathroom and living room, oh and the kitchen. Well in my very nice and fancy kitchen I was having my psuedo Asian parents (I'm white, not that it matters but maybe it will make sense now why their psuedo) over for lunch before they go on a six month vacation back home to Asia. After lunch they leave and in walks Jack Black, now I think he can be funny at moments but overall not too attractive. Well he walks into my living room and for some ungodly reason we "do-it" and not like first timers "I'm scared" type crap were like bunnies it's soooo gross. After all the bunny sex he just disappears like I don't know if he walked out the door or what but I didn't care cause I woke up right after all that just crying into my pillow I couldn't stop sobbing.

     It's a good thing no one could hear me over the TV being set up to about 56 on the volume during a foot ball game. It was so loud this morning I felt like I was right in the middle of the field during it, but I was still safe and warm in my cozy bed not surround by 300 pound 6'9 tall men walking around like proud peacocks. All though their are some football players I would love to around in my nice warm cozy bed.... OK pretend I didn't write that cause I'm not erasing it cause it's totally true.

     Alright now the shower situations. I found out where I can not get cold without my entire body freezing and that's my fingers. The moment my fingers are even a tiny bit off from my body temperature I'm shaking and can't get warm, also my toes kinda do that too but my fingers are the worst. Well I want to shower so I can be clean and have the nice warm water/ steam warm me up so I can go to bed but my bathroom has been preoccupied for the last three, yes I said three hours now. I can't get into my own bathroom without the door being locked or the smell being soooooooo bad that "I would love to have the door locked and sealed shut then burn down the house and find a new one" bad. So maybe soon I can go to sleep with being showered in my nice perfume (not stinky) bathroom and no Jack Black bunny business in my dreams, maybe get some Miles Austin up here ;) now that's some bunny business I wouldn't mind dreaming about.

Not too bad but not too good either

   I think I've gotten stronger from my post yesterday. I went into hanging with my grandparents for four hours with an open heart and mind. The last three hours of it were pure crap. Had two stops planned out, casino for Christmas decorations and sports arena for Christmas lights. We only saw one (the sports arena) because apparently my whole family became "under the weather" during the hour it took us to get to the casino and we decided to come home and finish watching a football game (which sports commentators have nothing on my grandfather and mother, they dictate any move made on the field, while yelling at the screen like its a communication device to the refs and players alike.)
   
   So that ticked me off, but the main thing that totally pissed me off was the fact that I was promised we were going to make spaghetti tonight and I was going to help (I make killer spaghetti) but I never got the phone call to start the pasta, so the family comes home and guess what? They all went to a sandwich shop, never called to say "hey were getting food. You want anything?" Or "Hey getting food so find something at the house." No they come home and the only reason I knew they went out is because my mom brings in a drink with the logo of the shop on it. So I stayed hungry for about four hours while they went to gamble and eat with my father who I only see after seven on specific days or five on the others. I was livid, but the "good" news is I got subway on the way to the sports arena. YAY! (sarcasm) On the way to the sports arena my father took a corner too sharply and my drink (resting between my feet cause the car has no STUPID cup holders any where in it) decides that that's a good time as any to tip over and spill all over my bag. Good news is that my Christmas gift bag is safe because I had a feeling something bad was going to happen so I switched to a more durable/ liquid resistant bag.
    
    Also my sandwich tasted like crap "subway" has lost it's eat fresh quality that I loved at one point in my life. So I'm finally at home resting thinking about everything I'm going to do tomorrow while my family is out of the house, I think a bubble bath while reading and doing laundry sound like a perfect way to relax tomorrow. Bonus points for today I had the cutest hair! Which I'm wearing more often because I like the style. :) Last minute thought, I think I have anger issues; could this be possible? I'll think more during my anger "vacation" tomorrow.

soul searching, heart opening and eyes closing for you

   Another fight during dinner. I can't stand my family any longer, well my dad is OK cause he understands and deals with things like I do. My mom on the other hand is my complete opposite, let me tell the details on the fight. Dinner started fine, ordered food, drinking drinks (mine was a sprite) and talking. When my dad left to go get the food my mom asked why I looked so "mad" and I said I was annoyed she asked who annoyed you; a logical question yes but my mother can take a very nice polite answer and twist it to mean something totally against her and her family...which I am apparently not apart of. I told her that my grandfather or her dad annoyed me because this "morning" or afternoon in my case, I was eating brunch (breakfast and lunch) while watching TV when my ever so brilliant grandfather walks up to me and "whatchya doin'?" By process of elimination, I would have guessed I was painting a copy of Mona Lisa but I think me taking pizza bites and putting them in my mouth chewing and swallowing while looking directly and a box with picture going across it I would place a hundred dollar bet I was eating and watching TV... At the same time! I was also annoyed because my mother and step grandmother are making me an outfit (I'm extremely grateful don't get me wrong) but after cutting the fabric they left to go play poker, leaving pieces of cloth flying everywhere. So I went to go sweep and vacuum the kitchen then started texting my best friend and played around on the computer. When all of the sudden I get a text from my father saying pick you up in 5. I just looked at the text thinking "Whaaaa?" So I replied, what are you picking me up for? He replied back saying dinner, I had less then two minutes to get ready.

    I will tell you now, when I wake up I go straight for the couch and watch TV no brushing teeth, washing face, getting dressed nothing but finding another comfortable place to lay down on. So yes I was annoyed at my day, oh and another reason I was annoyed is because I spend half the night listening to doors open and slam shut plus a dog couching/ barking and a human coughing, I haven't been to bed before one a.m. in about four days. I'm dying, literally I think sleep exhaustion is really real, when I finally get to sleep I have such terrible dreams they wake me during the night, the worst part is not even remembering a single detail of the dream, not how it started, the body of it, or the ending I remember nothing except falling asleep. 

   Now to why I wrote this post, I know I hate people but I want to know why, so I thought about it. I hate people because hating them makes it harder for me bare their loss when they are no longer in my life, because eventually I know I will lose everybody dear to me. I guess I need to change but how? I've lived like this for so long how can I begin to love like the concept of humans that are insignificant and important in my life at the same time? I don't know if I can accomplish this emotion without some serious strain on myself at the moment and I don't have too many people to back me up right now. I know I'll have three people for sure but I know I'm going to need more reinforcements.
   I have also thought about why I hate most of my family members. As you know when I was seven I lost my best friend, ten when I lost my favorite grandmother, and twelve when I lost my favorite Aunt and Uncle. I loved each and everyone of one of those people, but they died, all the people I didn't love nearly as much were still alive (well my parents were and still are alive which I'm grateful for cause I love them more then all those people combined) so I thought that god hated me and killed all my favorites, so I hated my least favorites to save them and myself the heartbreak and torture. But now I think I hate all my other family because their alive and my favorites aren't what are they providing for God that my favorite weren't? What makes my least favorites better then my favorites? I always asked God why but now I have two more descriptive questions to ask.
   Some of my favorite questions to ask the big man are "why me? Out of two other children you picked little insignificant me to do your bidding? What can I do? I can't do anything and you picked me? What would my brothers be doing if they stayed and I didn't make it? Why couldn't they make it? What if I had one of them to lean on and support me during those times? Would I not hate anymore? Would I hate more because I would see how much love they could give? Am I giving any love to anyone I know? I wish I knew what good I was doing in the world." Cause as it stands I feel like one hydrogen atom too many in a giant ocean. Not doing any good and just making a big mess of things.