year seven, it's all up hill from here

     Year seven of life and it's pretty normal, in school making, good grades and loving life. Until the horrible day that started innocently enough, wake up at 7am, go to school to learn and last minute transportation changes. I was supposed to catch a ride with my friend and her older sister to go to their house to play before a party that night at her house. If not for that change of plan I wouldn't be writing this right now, I would have met the same fate my two friends met, which was death. The crash involved a speeding moving truck which sideswiped my friends car, both were killed instantly, it was so bad that the car enfolded over itself. I didn't find out until about 10 pm that night while eating dinner with my grandmother because my parents weren't able to pick me up for the party.

    My grandmother was flipping through the channels and the news popped up about the weather for the week so we watched it, the weather was interrupted for a breaking news cast. " Two girls killed today, 20 year old Courtney and 8 year old Alexa." I just stared at the TV screen; not understanding why my friends name was mentioned on the TV or why they said the words killed and dead on the scene. It didn't make since I couldn't process it, I just started crying and my dinner would not stay down, I was so over whelmed I just shut down I couldn't do anything but cry. I wish I never stayed with my grandmother that night, maybe I could have stayed oblivious, I could have stopped Courtney from driving I should have stopped her, I should have told my dad I wanted to go home with Alexa and stood my ground. I should have said a proper goodbye, not a see you later because no I have to wait until I die to see her again and to be honest I'm scared to die, I want to live a have husband and kids, to experience love to finally live the way God wants me to live. Another thing I was scared of back then was turning eight years old because my friend died at the age of eight, I thought when I turned eight I was going die, I guess I was always afraid of death then because I see what my friend is missing because she died and I didn't.

      The funny thing is, that after my friends died I promised myself, my parents/ family and God himself I would not believe in him any longer and I would not step foot on holy ground. I fell into such a deep depression it was so difficult to go to school, and the kids didn't help. They would outcast me and make fun of me because I was the weird kid whose friend died, and if they got near me they would die too. So I didn't have very many friends after the age of seven not that I wanted any because I even started believe I killed the people I loved the most just by being near them. Years eight - ten next post, not that I remember too much about those years because of my depression I just turned off living but I'll post what I do remember.